The Begining

What brought me to the idea of becoming a surrogate mother? I feel as though being a surrogate is a natural purpose for me. I think I was about twelve years old. I saw a television movie about a surrogate. The film was horrible and it did not even depict surrogacy in a good way. That was the first time I had heard of the idea though. I found it to be so interesting. Surrogacy seemed like the greatest gift a woman could give, especially when to a couple she may have just met. Simply amazing and selfless. The idea had been with me since then. Surrogacy was something I thought about frequently. I'd search for articles. Sure I've heard the horror stories, but they are few and usually involve unstable people. The happy stories far out way. After I had given birth to my own two daughters, I thought about surrogacy even more. My two pregnancies were such wonderful experiences. They brought me to a place of complete physical and mental happiness. Just being pregnant. The actual births were even better. Like the feeling of reaching the peak of a mountain, a million times greater. With both girls Eddie (their father) and I decided we might like to have a child. One month later I found out I was pregnant. I've always felt just a bit of guilt that it came that easy for us. We are no more deserving than all of the parents who for so long have been only able to dream of conceiving. How could one give the baby up? A few people have asked me that. It sounds silly to me. Being a gestational surrogate, the child is never mine. The baby is actually conceived before it even enters my uterus. I think of myself as "holding" this baby (babies) for it's loving parents. Sure, the baby will grow inside of me from my own blood and nutrients. Of course an attachment or bond will grow. Just as the strong attachments I have had in the past with so many of my young students. As a infant, toddler, and preschool teacher I have had the experience time and time again of growing a bond with those many "special" children that have been in my care. Some kids so much, that I still after years, exchange Christmas cards with their families. Knowing that they are happy and growing in loving families brings me joy. I think it is comparable. In the future I hope to have pictures and updates of not only the child but the family I help through surrogacy.About two years ago I decided to begin this JOURNEY. I started with research, mostly on-line. There is so much to sort through on the web about surrogacy. Many bloggers, forums, chats, agencies. There are people who do the whole process on their own. Sometimes with turkey basters, and many without much help form a lawyer. That seems a bit crazy and risky to me. I knew form the get go that I wanted the help of an experienced agency. Finding one with integrity proved to be difficult. I researched so many. I hated the feeling that many of them were out "hunting" for surrogates. When an agency's first words to me were about the compensation. They were immediately off of my list. It was important to me to find an agency with a good track record, and a lot of success stories. I was interested in an agency that took a personal approach to the very important match making between surrogates and intended parents.At the same time I worked to get Eddie's support. He thought the idea was insane at first. He is forever telling me that I give to much. Too much time to Girl Scouts, helping this friend out too much, giving too many presents for a Birthday, the list goes on. Surrogacy pushed him over the edge. Still, I talked about it often. I told him how I thought it to be one of my life's purposes. How I felt it would be a great experience for our girls. A wonderful lesson in life, love, families. How I thought it would bring us closer together in our own relationship. It took about a year before he was even listening. Finally, he took the opportunity to read up on it for himself. By this time I had found, and fell in love with, the right agency for me, Growing Generations. Eddie took my hand one day and said he was willing to try. He said he loves me enough to trust and support me throughout whatever I had to do.