The First Trip to L.A.

After filling out a profile and having a long telephone interview with Growing Generations, Eddie and I were ready for a trip to their offices in L.A. for screening. I wrote my profile in December and it was not until April that everything lined up to get me started. I have never been further west than Pennsylvania, so I was excited to be going to California. The agency planned our flights and appointments. We left on a Monday morning at 6:00 a.m. I was a little nervous about taking a physical and physiological test. I had no reason to think I wouldn't pass them, still I worried that I wouldn't. Failing one could shatter my dreams of being a surrogate. Consequently, I had not slept well for two nights before the trip.
It was an eight hour flight for us to L.A. with a layover in Dallas. Between my nervous excitement and a three hour time difference, the flight seemed short. We had a slight delay in our flight and arrived about a half-hour late. From LAX we were picked up by a car service and went straight to the offices of Growing Generations for my psychological screening. They are located in a large building of offices on Wilshire Blvd. in the center of the city. Eddie and I were greeted and welcomed and shown to a nice, livingroom style, private space. I was glad to see a big comfy couch and plopped myself down on it! We were given some time to relax.
The psychologist was warm and friendly and immediately put my nerves at ease. She spent about an hour with us asking simple questions. Mostly about our history, ethics, values, hopes, and such. She wrote down our responses, and seemed pleased with each one. The conversation flowed with ease. There was only one question that I had difficulty answering. It was, "What do you not like about yourself?" I don't think of myself to be conceited, but I could not come up with an answer. I contemplated in awkward silence. Then I thought of "I am too concerned with my looks". Aren't all women? Though I am not really. Eddie takes longer than me to be ready to go out! I guess being over tired had just caught up to me. Thinking of that question now, I have better answers: I procrastinate, I wait until the last minute, I don't take enough time out for myself, I am not a very good writer or speller.
After our enjoyable conversation with the psychologist, I was taken to a small room with only a chair, a desk, and a computer. There, I was to answer over 500 questions on the screen. This was a psychological test developed for mental patients. The questions were enough to drive one crazy! They were all true or false type and I finished it in about forty-five minutes. During this time Eddie got to go out and have some lunch and return to that big couch for a nap. I was jealous knowing that. Some questions on the test asked; "I would like to be a______." The blank would be some sort of job description. Such as florist, banker, teacher. I think I answered true to most of them. Then at the end I was concerned that that would show something bad about me. I suppose I am up for trying new things!
We were finished up at the agency around three in the afternoon and took a cab down the street to our hotel, The Beverly Hills Hilton. The place and our room was beautiful. Eddie was excited to find a T.V. in the bathroom and I to see the famous HOLLYWOOD hills sign from our window. The two of us enjoyed a shower and relaxed for a little while. Though we both needed rest, we could not waste our free time in California in our hotel room. We ventured on a walk to Rodeo Drive. The shops were magnificent. We only window shopped of course. After that, we took a cab to Santa Monica Beach. There we enjoyed taking in the sights of the Pacific for the first time. Santa Monica is a gorgeous beach with views of the mountains and a fun boardwalk. I bought a sweatshirt out of necessity. I expected the weather around LA to be warmer. We ate dinner there on the boardwalk at a chain style restaurant called Bubba Gump Shrimp. By the time we made our way back to the hotel, I was exhausted and in need of a good nights rest.
The next morning my physical screening was scheduled for 8:30 a.m. Eddie and I enjoyed a rushed room service breakfast and were in a cab by 7:30. We arrived early to The California Fertility Partners. The neatest part of the office are the walls filled to the max with pictures of babies. Eddie was worried that we would not make our one o'clock flight home. It did turn out to be a long wait to see the doctor. Finally, we were called into the office of Dr. Sahakian for an informal chat and some medical questions. We both immediately loved him. He spoke in praise of surrogates. He said there was little wrong that I could do to piss him off (because I'm a surrogate). The doctor said that my pregnancy, birth, and health records looked perfect.
Next, we had to wait to give blood samples and I to take a sonohysterogram ( an internal ultrasound of my uterus). They said that this test may give me some cramping and pain and to take a pain reliever before I did the test. I was a bit nervous about it. We waited a long time to go in for the test. All the while Eddie got more and more concerned about missing our flights It was close to 11:00 when I was finally given the exam. It was painless and kind of neat to see my uterus empty. Dr. Sahakian said it looked perfect. He actually said, "Your uterus is textbook".
We made it with time to spare to LAX for our flight. I do wish Eddie could just lay back sometimes. The flights home were pretty grueling. I am never able to fall asleep on a plane. The eight hour flight seemed like eleven since we lost three hours in time change coming back.
I was happy to be home and hopeful that our return trip to meet the couple we will match with will be soon. The results of the tests are supposed to take two weeks so I waited in worry to hear that they were all good.
It was only about seven days later that I received a call from Growing Generations to say that I passed with flying colors. Then I immediately received my first profile of a couple waiting to start their family through surrogacy.

The Begining

What brought me to the idea of becoming a surrogate mother? I feel as though being a surrogate is a natural purpose for me. I think I was about twelve years old. I saw a television movie about a surrogate. The film was horrible and it did not even depict surrogacy in a good way. That was the first time I had heard of the idea though. I found it to be so interesting. Surrogacy seemed like the greatest gift a woman could give, especially when to a couple she may have just met. Simply amazing and selfless. The idea had been with me since then. Surrogacy was something I thought about frequently. I'd search for articles. Sure I've heard the horror stories, but they are few and usually involve unstable people. The happy stories far out way. After I had given birth to my own two daughters, I thought about surrogacy even more. My two pregnancies were such wonderful experiences. They brought me to a place of complete physical and mental happiness. Just being pregnant. The actual births were even better. Like the feeling of reaching the peak of a mountain, a million times greater. With both girls Eddie (their father) and I decided we might like to have a child. One month later I found out I was pregnant. I've always felt just a bit of guilt that it came that easy for us. We are no more deserving than all of the parents who for so long have been only able to dream of conceiving. How could one give the baby up? A few people have asked me that. It sounds silly to me. Being a gestational surrogate, the child is never mine. The baby is actually conceived before it even enters my uterus. I think of myself as "holding" this baby (babies) for it's loving parents. Sure, the baby will grow inside of me from my own blood and nutrients. Of course an attachment or bond will grow. Just as the strong attachments I have had in the past with so many of my young students. As a infant, toddler, and preschool teacher I have had the experience time and time again of growing a bond with those many "special" children that have been in my care. Some kids so much, that I still after years, exchange Christmas cards with their families. Knowing that they are happy and growing in loving families brings me joy. I think it is comparable. In the future I hope to have pictures and updates of not only the child but the family I help through surrogacy.About two years ago I decided to begin this JOURNEY. I started with research, mostly on-line. There is so much to sort through on the web about surrogacy. Many bloggers, forums, chats, agencies. There are people who do the whole process on their own. Sometimes with turkey basters, and many without much help form a lawyer. That seems a bit crazy and risky to me. I knew form the get go that I wanted the help of an experienced agency. Finding one with integrity proved to be difficult. I researched so many. I hated the feeling that many of them were out "hunting" for surrogates. When an agency's first words to me were about the compensation. They were immediately off of my list. It was important to me to find an agency with a good track record, and a lot of success stories. I was interested in an agency that took a personal approach to the very important match making between surrogates and intended parents.At the same time I worked to get Eddie's support. He thought the idea was insane at first. He is forever telling me that I give to much. Too much time to Girl Scouts, helping this friend out too much, giving too many presents for a Birthday, the list goes on. Surrogacy pushed him over the edge. Still, I talked about it often. I told him how I thought it to be one of my life's purposes. How I felt it would be a great experience for our girls. A wonderful lesson in life, love, families. How I thought it would bring us closer together in our own relationship. It took about a year before he was even listening. Finally, he took the opportunity to read up on it for himself. By this time I had found, and fell in love with, the right agency for me, Growing Generations. Eddie took my hand one day and said he was willing to try. He said he loves me enough to trust and support me throughout whatever I had to do.